This article is part of an 8-week series of excerpts taken from my Bible study,

Worthy of Love: A Journey of Hope and Healing After Abortion.

It was 1983 when I was told my pregnancy was just a clump of cells. The establishment of Christian pregnancy resource centers (PRCs) was just getting started when I had an abortion. I had no one to explain to me other options, to inform me I had a choice …

Chapter 2: The Secret

Lying on the cold metal table, I peered at the nurses chatting above me about their plans for the weekend. As if by reflex, one of them grabbed my hand just as the first spasms of pain hit. Though her gesture was hauntingly cold, I clutched her hand tightly against my chest; it was all I had and I desperately needed to hold on to something . . . to someone . . . anyone.

I had no idea that in response to my body’s release of chemicals due to fear, pain and stress, the beat of another tiny heart rapidly started to rise. A little body, already responsive to the stroke of a single human hair, jerked and twisted as cruel instruments took their aim. No evidence of its existence would remain. A teeny thumb, upon which gentle sucking already began several weeks earlier, anonymously slipped away into the darkness as a flawless smile contorted into a hollow scream . . . I can only ask now: who was holding onto her little hand?

At last, it was over. No name. No mourning. No record of her existence. Just biological waste from a brief medical procedure . . . We drove home in silence—a silence that would haunt my heart for the next twenty-five years.


Harboring secrets is one of the easiest ways Satan keeps us in bondage. Only when we surrender them to God, will we truly find freedom. This chapter explores how secrets injure our relationships with other people, our sense of self-worth, and our relationship with God. It includes a study of two Biblical heroes (Moses and King David). Each committed murder and then tried to cover it up. It does not matter if we try to hide our sin from God. Nor whether our greatest offenses, even abortion, occur before or after He draws us into a relationship with Himself. He has a plan for each of our lives, and nothing—repeat, nothing—will change that fact.

‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11

Visit the Worthy of Love page to download a free sample, find an online group, watch the promo video, or find resources (including Leader’s Guide) to start a group. We all know someone who needs hope!

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