Abortion and The battle within my heartThis article is part of an 8-week series of excerpts taken from my Bible study,

Worthy of Love: A Journey of Hope and Healing After Abortion.

Have you ever experienced spiritual battles or warfare? Often times, we only recognize it after it is over. Throughout the Bible, Satan is seen as twisting the truth of God’s words in order to deceive and manipulate God’s people. In Worthy of Love Chapter 6, I share how I struggled with spiritual warfare …

Chapter 6: The Battle

I was too young to understand that within my heart a battle raged. It was a battle between what I wanted to be (a kind and loving person) and what I believed I had become (someone without capacity to love). I had succeeded in exchanging the truth of my desire to love children for a lie that I didn’t really want to be a mother. After all, it was far more bearable to believe that not wanting to be a mother was, in fact, my choice.

As the years passed, in order to fit into the new world my choice had created, I had to make other adjustments as well. In my heart, I know a mother should love her child. But when I chose abortion, I had to believe a lie (my pregnancy was a meaningless glob of tissue) in order to avoid the truth (I murdered my baby).

Not only did I murder my child, the abortion simultaneously devoured my own childhood as well. It robbed me of joyful memories, peace, and my sense of self-worth. After the abortion, I isolated myself from other people. Even worse, I did not understand why I had become so distant and cold toward others. Eventually, to fit in, I learned to live life on the surface. Desperate to be loved, I recklessly became a friend or lover to virtually anyone who would take notice, though I shared my heart with no one…


It took a long time before I understood that the aftermath from the lies I created to protect my poor choices would eventually begin to spread through my soul like cancer; I had no idea I was in the midst of spiritual warfare. And yet, despite all the lies we’ve believed and battles we’ve fought, even if we’ve hidden the memory of our child from our own mind and heart, God remains faithful.

“I loved you in your darkest hour.” Romans 5:8

 “Can a mother forget the infant at her breast, walk away from the baby she bore? But even if mothers forget, I’d never forget you—never. Look, I’ve written your names on the palms of my hands.” Isaiah 49:15 MSG

Visit the Worthy of Love page to download a free sample, find an online group, watch the promo video, or find resources (including Leader’s Guide) to start a group. We all know someone who needs hope!

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